I was asked what 5 things attract me to a man this week and when I really thought about it I realised my list of attributes had nothing to do with looks. Ok my initial impulse was to think about a David Beckham lookalike but there will always be people we have an instant physical attraction too but that rarely lasts and when you get past the physical and talk, you may find them boring and that you have nothing in common.
What is it that really attracts you to a partner? Sense of humour? Intelligence? Kindness? Good looks? Well groomed? Tattoos? Good communicator? Do you even have a type?
April Masini is the author of books like Date Out of Your League and suggests that women are naturally attracted to men who are confident, passionate and seem to lead exciting lives. Physical attraction it seems is an instinct. Heterosexual women seem to be physically or sexually attracted to men with traditionally masculine features such as a muscular frame, a square jaw, big nose and small eyes. These physical traits often signify higher levels of testosterone.
For me attraction is far more than physical and the list I came up with of “5 things that would really make someone attractive to me” had nothing to do with how they look:
Communication: The number one characteristic that would attract me to a guy has to be someone who can talk openly. Not just about how their day has been but a man who is able to be open and vulnerable and allow me to find out more about who he really is. Communication is key to connecting with someone and the way I see it, there’s no point someone being attractive physically but when they open their mouth not much of any interest comes out.
Sense of humour: Someone who can make me laugh. If a guy has a similar sense of humour and I can have fun with them then that is a massive bonus. Laughter and smiling creates memories and happiness. If your partner can make you laugh it will help you both through more difficult times
Self development: When someone is working on themselves, looking at how they can achieve what they want and be a better person, as well as working on how to achieve the best relationship possible, that for me is something worth it’s weight in gold. I don’t wanna be with someone who is just cruising along with no desire to try new things and improve themselves , our lives, our relationship and supporting me in doing the same.
Great Listener: Showing a real interest in each other’s lives and actively listening to each other is so important. Someone that genuinely wants to hear about my day, worries, achievements and annoyances so I can do the same for them.
Kindness: I just couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t caring and kind. I enjoy the company of people who have empathy for others and want to help where they are able. Kindness is a non negotiable in my eyes.
Lastly in terms of physical appearance I suppose if I was to have a “type” it would be someone who was quite masculine, not well groomed, maybe some tattoos, so maybe that’s my instinct kicking in. Thing is though, if a guy talks to me and we connect, he becomes so much more attractive, so the physical is kind of not the most important part.
What do you look for in a partner? What else would you add to your list?